


You Could Have Texted

by OceanusAporia



Category: Batman - All Media Types, Justice League - All Media Types
Genre: Clark is mentioned, so is J'onn but I don't think he'd appreciate it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-23
Updated: 2016-07-23
Packaged: 2018-07-26 03:39:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,181
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7558681
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OceanusAporia/pseuds/OceanusAporia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Okay, stupid question, but I mean, most guys don’t break into other guys apartments and cook them a five star dinner as a thank you for dropping their kid back home, I mean that’s what text messages are for.” Hal said plaintively and maybe a little desperately. </p><p>Random fun oneshot with things such as Bruce cooking and Hal being better liked than he thinks he is - and that really should be part of a longer series but I'm too lazy...</p>
            </blockquote>





	You Could Have Texted

**Author's Note:**

> In my head this is part of a loooooong ass story that makes a whole universe for Bruce and Hal's relationship since it's clearly hinted that it started earlier, dropped off, and then might be starting again here. Unfortunately, there is not yet a machine that transposes all of these thoughts into a story for me and so this little oneshot is the result. I think it still works on its own as a fun snippet though, so enjoy!  
> As usual, no beta, all mistakes are mine, and please read and review :)

Dick and Hal got along – or at least Hal assumed they did, Dick had been a pretty easy going kid. Actually he’d gone so far as to say that “Green Lantern was _awesome_ ” when they first met, so Hal had liked the kid. They hadn’t really been close though. Dick and Clark – now those two were close. Hal still remembered when Dick was 16 and had run off to stay in Metropolis with Clark. Bruce had been gutted – it was obvious enough to see if you looked – but he hadn’t interfered, had left Dick to sort it out and Clark sent him back in one piece slightly appeased at the end.

Jason though – Jason didn’t seem taken with anyone but Diana and that was more a crush than anything. Clark, Jason seemed to particularly dislike and Hal hadn’t thought he was the kid’s favorite either until he came home to see a 15 year old huddled on his couch.

“Uh, hi.” Hal blinked after flicking on the lights surprised to see it was Jason, having expected it to be Roy because he _did_ have the habit of showing up when Ollie kicked him out sometimes. Jason he was most definitely _not_ expecting.

“Your security sucks.” Jason bit out, but the effect was ruined by the way he was hunched over into himself and looked a little like a drowned kitten in the oversized hoodie. Was it Dick’s? Hell it might have been Bruce’s the way the kid was swimming in it.

“So Bruce has told me. Speaking of, does he know you’re here right now?” Hal asked, tossing his keys onto the counter and starting to walk around to get a look at the kid because it almost looked like he was…shaking. 

“I fucked up.” Jason choked out and Hal blinked because it sounded like – _holy shit_ – the kid was _crying_. Hal’s eyes widened and suddenly watching the trembling, the jumping of Jason’s leg and agitation in his voice…Hal had seen Roy like this when he was coming down from a high.

“I’m sure whatever it was,” Hal started hesitantly mind racing over whether he should call Bruce right now, whether he should call Dinah, whether he should call a damn hospital, “it wasn’t that bad, Bruce will –”

“You don’t even know what the fuck I did!” Jason snapped, fists clenching so tightly Hal was afraid that he was drawing blood with his own fingernails.

Hal blinked and took a breath, Jason was definitely hopped up on something. “No, I don’t. But I know whatever it is, Bruce will forgive you for it.” 

Hal meant it too, Bruce could be a hard ass 99.9% of the time and ride your ass about the stupidest of things, but in his more mature moments Hal realized Bruce genuinely did it to try and make you better, not because he was holding a grudge. A brief slideshow of all the asinine things he and other leaguers had done that had literally almost _gotten Bruce killed_ , let alone the time 14 year old Dick wrecked the actual fucking Batmobile and how, though grumpy, Bruce did undeniably forgive the lot of them. Hal wondered if maybe Bruce was the most forgiving of them all. There was no doubt in Hal’s mind that Bruce would forgive Jason for whatever it was, drugs or not.

“Not if he’s dead.” Jason whispered, and the bottom fell right out of Hal’s stomach.

 

\------***-------

 

Hal didn’t care about misappropriation of resources as he beamed them directly to the cave, the panic like a physical thing he was fighting to get down.

“Jay!” Dick flung out of nowhere in full Nightwing costume and nearly tackled the teenager into a hug making Hal jump back. “Jesus Christ Jay you scared the shit out of us –!”

But Hal was looking around for some sign of Bruce. Was Alfred doing surgery? Was it – was it already too…

“Master Jordan, thank you so much for locating him, I hadn’t realized Master Bruce called in your assistance.” Alfred was in front of him just as suddenly as Dick had appeared and looked both relieved and exhausted.

“Wait Bruce called in – where is he? Jason said he was hurt what –” Hal demanded in a rush, grabbing onto Alfred’s arm urgently.

“To my knowledge Master Bruce is quite alright – Master Jason rushed into a confrontation with the Scarecrow and after being hit with his toxin took off – we’ve been searching for him nigh three hours.” Alfred explained, brow creased in worry at Hal’s reaction.

“So Bruce is – he’s alright.” Hal repeated dumbly but his heart was managing to slow to a somewhat normal pace again. Hal had never experienced it, but Scarecrows toxin was some nasty stuff, it’d done a number on Barry one time, the man had tremors just recalling some of the things it’d made him hallucinate.

“Quite, sir.” Alfred said, but not unkindly. “I believe he’s talking to Master Jason now, if you’d like to speak to him after.” Alfred nodded behind Hal, and it made Hal realize he was still gripping the man’s arm. He gave a sheepish smile releasing him.

Dick had wrestled Jason onto one of the gurneys where Jay was holding a headset up to his ear as Dick stabbed him with what Hal assumed was an antidote.

“You’re really okay?” Jason’s voice cracked at the question and Hal couldn’t hear the response but he could see Jason’s tension slowly sliding away. Though maybe it was from the antidote he’d been injected with. But either way, there was no way the kid was pretending he didn’t care about Bruce after this, no amount of tough guy posturing was going to erase that crack of relief in his voice, or the pure terror that Bruce had been gone. “Yeah, yeah I’m fine. Fuck Bruce I’m so sorry I majorly fucked up…” 

Jason was clearly cut off then, biting his lip. “I don’t know I just…I just panicked. No I – yeah I’d gone to Hal’s place but he wasn’t there. He brought me back soon as he saw me I don’t know – I don’t know what the fuck I was thinking I…”

Hal would like to know what the kid was thinking himself. Why show up at his apartment? Did he think Hal would help him get away with it? Was he hoping Hal would freak out at him for it? What had he been looking for going to him? Jason had started with the Titans at the beginning of the year, Hal knew, Bruce had been unhappy but accepting of the need for teenagers to have more experiences and some friends outside their family – as far as Hal knew Jason got along with them. Why not show up to one of their houses? It’s not like Coast City was nearby, for that matter how the fuck had Jason gotten there?

Jason laughed a little hysterically. “Good? How was that good? I left you on your own without back up and nearly lost my God damn mind…” he stopped, rubbing at his face, trying to hide a sniffle. “Oh you’re hilarious Bruce. Really. Even Dick coulda done better.” He grumbled, hunching a little again.

Did Bruce just make a joke? He had to have. Hal almost smiled, it had probably been _terrible_.  
Another sniffle. “Yeah he’s right here. I’m _fine_.” He reiterated and then handed the headset to Dick.

Jason was alright, clearly Bruce was alright, and this was a family thing. Despite Alfred’s insistence he was welcome to stay, Hal transported himself back home, exhausted.

 

\------***------

 

Hal hesitated when he saw the light in his apartment was on, but had a feeling he knew just who it was, so wasn’t too worried when he pushed open the unlocked door. Now, of the things he expected to find, Bruce Wayne in sweats and a t-shirt cooking with pans he most definitely did not own when he left the apartment and food he certainly knew had not been in his fridge, marked last on the list.

“This feels like the beginning of a porno.” Hal announced with absolutely no filter, still standing in the doorway. Because say what you would about Bruce Wayne, but the man was carved straight out of an R-rated daydream, especially with the way that t-shirt hugged the muscles on chest and shoulders and the sweats barely clung to his ass.

“Or like some alternate reality some supervillain is trying to trap me in as wish fulfillment.” Hal continued because he’d been up since five in the morning tinkering with Carol’s latest plane and apparently had no control over his mouth anymore. “Also I _definitely_ don’t remember owning that pot.”  
“You don’t own _any_ pots.” Bruce replied promptly, not even glancing over at him. “And your fridge is growing mold I hold suspicion you brought back from a different solar system you eat worse than a college student and Dick lives on poptarts and cereal.” Something in the new pots and pans sizzled with the most delicious aroma and Hal was honestly mostly tuning Bruce out.

“Also I wasn’t joking when I told you to install a security system.” Bruce added.

“Ah, yup, no, it’s definitely reality.” Hal snorted and finally closed the door behind him. Also father like son much? He kept that thought to himself in light of the fact Jason had been drugged out of his mind. He was giving the kid a chance. “Though you are ruining my theory that you’re the type of person who burns water.” He said mournfully, because he had liked the idea of The Batman being bad at _something_.

“Narcissism is assigning other’s your own traits.” Bruce returned dryly.

“Do you actually take notes of playground fights? It’s okay, you can tell me the truth.” Hal snorted, putting his keys on the table and sliding his jacket off and onto the back of a chair. 

“Yes, in a white van and everything.” The great thing about Bruce was that he had learned deadpan from Alfred – there was no topping his game. Hal stifled a laugh though, refusing to admit being bested and hiding his smile by opening the fridge.

“No one would believe me if I told them you had a sense of humor, it’s like – Oh my God.” Hal blinked at his fridge, because it could not be his fridge. “Did you…did you clean and stock my fridge?” he blinked again in disbelief.

“It would have been difficult to make dinner without ingredients that require refrigeration.” Bruce still wasn’t looking away from whatever heavenly smelling thing he was cooking, even as Hal stared at him incredulously.

“And I’m sure in your head the next logical step was _clearly_ scrub a guy’s kitchen and stock him for the apocalypse.” Hal said wryly and grabbing a beer, since it was what he had opened the fridge for anyway.

“If you would like your mold back I took samples.” Bruce replied.

Hal paused half way opening the bottle and squinted at the man. The distractingly attractive but clearly clinical insane man in his kitchen. “I really can’t tell if you’re joking.”

Bruce _hmmed_ in that way that was the equivalent of a normal person laughing at you, but didn’t resolve the mystery.

“You know I really don’t want to know.” Hal decided. “Just like how I won’t ask how you knew this was my favorite beer.” He announced and fully opened the bottle with relish, the cap sliding across the table haphazardly. He could see the tiny jump in Bruce’s back that meant he thought Hal was a slob and grinned.

“You and Ollie had a vociferous argument about the brand.” Bruce answered anyway.

“Huh, yeah, no real people use words like _vociferous_.” Hal mused, plopping down in one the chairs he was fairly certain wouldn’t break from the strain and getting a good view of the table Bruce had also _most definitely_ cleaned. He would comment on Bruce’s freakish memory of a minor event over comms post mission probably five years ago, but that was kinda what Bruce did. Store away facts like a deranged squirrel in that freakishly big brain of his.

Hal watched him for a minute, sipping his beer absent mindedly. How Bruce’s ass managed to look perfect in a pair of ratty sweatpants was beyond Hal. For that matter, how those pants had avoided being purged by Alfred years ago was an even greater mystery. Actually, how had Bruce gotten here? Worn his civvies in his batplane? Brought a duffel bag? Was there bat armor stashed around here somewhere? Where would he have landed the plane?

Bruce bent over to grab something from inside the fridge and Hal completely missed his rejoinder because Hal’s dick suddenly decided to join the conversation and ask how long it’d been since he and Bruce had fucked. Hal scowled at his pants and awkwardly tried to cross his legs, looking up at the ceiling instead of Bruce’s ass and wide shoulders and…

“You’re quiet.”

Hal snapped his attention back to see Bruce was leaning back against the counter eyeing him suspiciously. That pose was really emphasizing Bruce’s long frame and the fact that Hal hadn’t felt it against him in almost…shit had it been that many years?

“Well I wasn’t exactly expecting to entertain two bats in two nights.” Hal managed to come back with gesturing his beer and hoping Bruce didn’t notice his boner. Hal couldn’t explain it, he’d worked with Bruce plenty of times in the past few months, even been “hanging out” with him as Barry teasingly said and this hadn’t been a problem. Why were some ratty clothes suddenly making him feel like a teenager?

Bruce’s face turned serious, which was strange since it wasn’t as if he’d exactly had laugh lines on his face a moment ago, but Hal could see the distinct change. “Thank you for taking care of Jason.”

Hal blinked because… “It’s not really a big deal – I didn’t even really do anything except beam him over.”

“The proper response is _you’re welcome_.” Bruce sounded just the tiny bit exasperated and Hal grinned because he had absolutely no doubt that that exact same response had been said to Bruce _hundreds_ of times by other people.

“We’ll pass by the irony of you saying that and come back to the hilarity of thinking I do anything _proper_.” Hal snorted.

Bruce actually huffed a not quite laugh and turned back to the stove. “Get the plates out of the washer.”

Hal’s eyes widened. “This place has a dishwasher?”

 

\------***------

 

It’d been a long time since Hal had spent time with Bruce, not Batman, but Bruce fully and totally as himself with no pressing case or problem to solve, and he was remembering why he enjoyed getting the man alone so much outside of the sometimes fantastic sex. Bruce was actually completely hysterical, he was both cuttingly and hilariously accurate in his criticisms of other Lantern’s Hal told stories about. Bruce was also a surprisingly good listener and before Hal knew it, four hours had passed and Bruce had already cleared up and packed away dinner.

“Well fuck, don’t we have a league meeting at ass crack of dawn tomorrow?” Hal lamented looking at the clock for the first time in hours.

“Ten o’clock is a perfectly acceptable time for most adults.” Bruce returned, drying off one of Hal’s apparently new pans that would never be touched again.

“Aren’t bats supposed to be nocturnal? You should be on my side for this.” Hal complained lazily, he wasn’t really that upset, but as with most things with Bruce it was just kinda fun to volley back.

Bruce huffed. “You should go to bed early then.”

And the thing was, Bruce didn’t sound at all like he was making a come on. In fact, he was grabbing his keys from the counter – hold up had he driven? – and was…

“Whoa, wait, you’re leaving?” Hal got to his feet and made it to the door before Bruce could open it. Bruce looked at him like he was deranged. “Okay, stupid question, but I mean, most guys don’t break into other guys apartments and cook them a five star dinner as a thank you for dropping their kid back home, I mean that’s what text messages are for.” Hal said plaintively and maybe a little desperately. It was possible Hal’s dick had hijacked his higher functions around beer three.

“I wasn’t intending to cook you dinner. You weren’t home and I was hungry.” Bruce replied and the hell of it was, Hal wasn’t sure if Bruce was that good of a liar or just telling the truth.

“So that wasn’t a seduction dinner?” Hal squinted, because, well, okay, maybe he was a little desperate, but he coulda sworn Bruce had checked out his ass a couple of times too.

“It may surprise you to know I find pants without holes for the dates I go on. You should try it sometime it might –” Bruce started drolly.

“Oh for the love of – I’m going to kiss you right now, so if you don’t want me to you better be quick.” Hal said instead, and shockingly Bruce made no move to back up, so Hal moved forward and…well. It went like every kiss with Bruce went: from about zero to sixty in point five seconds. His dick probably broke the sound barrier in its rush to get up and they definitely broke a lamp as they stumbled towards Hal’s bed.

Bruce’s back hit the bed as Hal climbed on top of him yanking his own clothes off and tossing them to the end of the bed where – “Hold up, _did you make my bed_?” he boggled. Bruce rolled them over with a frustrated, honest to God _growl_ , and never answered the question.

The answer didn’t matter anyway, the bed was filthy by the time they were done.

 

\------***------

 

“Sex with you is like an Olympic sport.” Hal groaned, throwing an arm across his face to cover his eyes. “You should come with a warning label.”

Bruce grunted at him, which was really about as much as Hal could expect if memory served – post orgasm Bruce took inarticulate to a new level.

“We’re disgusting.” Hal noted, lifting his arm slightly to peek down at himself and take a longer look at Bruce. “Especially you.” His dick made a valiant attempt at getting up again, but he wasn’t in his twenties anymore and three seemed to be the hard limit. He should probably be a gentleman and get something to wipe them down considering the last one had been him reaming Bruce’s ass, but he’d really rather just be able to magic the spunk away.

“Do you think J’onn would be able to phase spunk off him?” He asked aloud before having even finished the thought, let alone the thought of censoring himself.

“I’ll be sure to ask him tomorrow.” Came the grunted reply and Hal – Hal couldn’t stop laughing at that one.


End file.
